Letters from Thailand

{March 11, 2009}   Dear Parents

I know it’s been a while, but inspiration has been very low.  However a bizarre adjustment to the dress-code at my place of employment finally incited my reactionary nature.  My response follows:

Dear Parents,

An Apology

It has recently been brought to my attention that I have been rather lax in keeping myself abreast of the latest methods in pedagogy and your child’s progress will likely have suffered as a result.

Due to my lack of diligence in researching new teaching methods, my esteemed and knowledgeable Principal has advised me that for the past two terms, I have been doing a major disservice to your child by my wearing of trousers that do not quite reach the ankles. Upon hearing this, I felt I had to write to you to offer my humblest apologies for neglecting your child’s education.

Please be assured that from now on, I will be doing my best to reverse this by attiring myself more appropriately in the classroom and school environs.  Should the material to cover* be especially demanding, I shall complement my outfit by wearing long sleeves, mittens, a balaclava and tinted ski-goggles.

Should these measures be insufficient to rectify the damage I have been inflicting on your child for the past six months, then I will willingly reconsider my career options and apply for positions in countries where my immodest style is more appreciated. If you know of any possible schools in Saudi Arabia, where the more relaxed burkha would be more inline with my teaching style, please feel free to make your recommendations.

Once again, my humblest apologies and thanks for your understanding.

Yours sincerely,

Ms. Kosmo

* I know the English is a little clunky, but liked the sound of the pun!


{February 19, 2008}   Eating Poo Again!

I’ve just started a ‘Health and Nutrition’ project with my class at school and yesterday we looked at the food pyramid. What follows is part of a discussion about the dairy/egg part of the pyramid:

Me: So, all these foods: milk, cheese and butter, are dairy foods. Who can tell me where we get dairy foods from?

Student a: Supermarket.

Student b: Cows!

Me: Very good, student b. That’s right. We get our dairy foods from cows. Now what about eggs?

Student a: Chickens make eggs.

Me: Excellent, student a.

Student b (standing up and miming something coming out of his bottom): Eggs are the poo from chickens!

Me: Not exactly student b. Do you eat eggs?

Student b: Yes.

Me: And your mum and dad? Do they eat eggs?

Student b: Yes.

Me: Do you really think your mum and dad would make you eat poo?

Student b: Um, I guess not.

Me: Ok, moving on. Now, what about these foods (sugary, fatty foods) What happens when we eat too much of these?

Student c: It makes us poo.

Me: Well, all foods make us go to the toilet, but some do so more than others.

By the way, if anyone can help me explain what an egg is without resorting to reproduction, your tips are most welcome! Luckily this time nobody asked, but I’m sure it will come up at some point!

et cetera